I've been back living at home with my mother and step-father for a little over a year now and I'm noticing things about them that I am sure has happened while I was away. It makes me laugh when I have to constantly try to explain different technologies to them. My mom is now a pro at turning on laptops, getting on the Internet and logging into her email account, but she still can't figure out how to copy and paste or upload a document. My step-dad always has a cooler phone than I do, but aside from placing calls and text messages, he's clueless on how to save contacts and change ringer profiles. Typical "old people" stuff.

As of late I find myself either bored to death or fearful of death when I am in the car with them. My mom, specifically, has a thing for driving slow in the fast lane and fast in the slow lane. I'm confused. She's in a rush in no traffic and relaxed when we've got somewhere to be during rush hour. During one of these rides I realized two things; one, I really need to get a car ASAP and just run errands for her and two, my mom is really aging now.

It causes me to look back on all of the times I called my parents old when in fact they were young. I remember my little cousin and I having a debate with my mom and uncle (his dad). We were talking about them being old, their old ways, and the progression happening all around us that they weren't ready for. Both sides had valid points, although I didn't agree back then. 

But coming home and seeing the salt and pepper hair (or lack of hair), the tired eyes, the forgetfulness and short attention spans really saddens me. We like to tease our elders about aging, but what happens next? And thinking about what happens next can be scary (at least for me). This realization of age and attempting to accept the fact that my parents have aged constantly reminds me that life truely is too short.

In October of 2013 I took to my Tumblr to vent a bit about life after college and just began to open up about myself, my thoughts/beliefs and life in general. Several months prior to this, I graduated with a BA degree, a minor and a certificate. I'd worked pretty consistently since I'd graduated high school and all throughout college. I'd held several internships and part-time work positions in my chosen field. About six months before graduating, I began applying to jobs as well as graduate programs. I thought I was set. I'd done everything right and even had several professors, previous supervisors and mentors who were willing to write letters of recommendation whenever I needed.

So why did I find myself beyond bored and jobless after graduating? According to job requirements and a department chair of a prospect grad program, lack of 2-3 solid years of experience in the field. Wait, what, really? I'd held one job 2 1/2 years throughout college and all others rotated around that. No longer a student, finding internships became damn near impossible. So how in the hell was I suppose to gain this experience to get into these programs and get the starter jobs in my career field?

It absolutely sucked. Heck, it still does.

Coming out of college I found I did not have enough experience. Now, two years late, I've been asked in interviews why am I applying for this job when I have a degree, as though working certain jobs are beneath me. I just couldn't understand. For the jobs I badly wanted I was under-qualified, and for the jobs that I assumed would be a breeze to get, I was over-qualified. Something has got to give!

It is tough out here. You go to school to further your education with thoughts of one-upping yourself, only to find that isn't how it really works. For experience I can truly say, don't give up. Apply to those jobs that you may feel you do not meet the requirements, but really can see yourself doing. Do not be afraid to contact those in charge and ask questions. And in the mean time, volunteer in your field, network and mingle and keep your skills current.

It would be pretty dope to end this by saying I've finally gotten my dream job, but I haven't. I'm okay with that. This time off and various interning, volunteering and the two jobs I've held since returning home have given me more knowledge about myself and ultimately what I'd like to do. I'm going to keep at it and if you are going through this, you should too!

About two weeks ago I finally gave into my curiosities after speaking with a friend K about dating apps. A few friends had mentioned their hook-ups, their new-found boos, and recent hangout buddies were all products of a dating app. I'd been on the fence about signing up to use any of the applications for many reasons. The main reasons I stayed clear of them are I was not looking for a relationship nor was I looking for relations. While I enjoy meeting people while I'm out-and-about, lets be honest, I'm a bit socially awkward. I've been bored with my social life and decided I needed to meet new people, but with my schedule it's a bit difficult to do so while in route to work, volunteering or the gas station.

K had mentioned the guys she's met, all of the interesting conversations and people she's encountered. Who knew?! I just knew she was an outwardly social person who attracted people without the aid of dating apps (and she does). After talking to her and really realizing how dry my line has been I said fuck it, why not? Only thing is, a part of me knew why not. I'm uneasy when guys are too aggressive and I get bored if the conversation lags or after awhile a guy doesn't show some kind of interest (not sexually). Anywhos so far here are my thoughts on the sites I've tried out.

Tinder: DTF?
From all of the stories I've heard, I immediately knew Tinder wasn't for me, EVER. I was told no one looks for love or anything aside from a new fuck on Tinder. Um, I'm not interested in participating in speed-date-like one night stands. I'll pass. I think I used this one for about two or three days. The conversations were pretty wack, aside from one guy who I happened to have gone to high school with. Most of the convos started off basic as hell with the generic hi how are you, why are you using this site. I just decided not to put myself through the annoyance.

Black Dating For Free: WHOMP!
This one I can't even really report on. I used it for maybe two hours and checked back after several hours and the likes where there, but it was totally off from what I sought after in the profile questionnaire. Many of the men were over 35, profile pictures were throwing me off, and to top it off you've gotta pay! What exactly am I paying for? I can find better on Facebook for free!

Meld: May be promising if I were actually seeking a relationship and/or love.
This one was like a breath of fresh air. Handsome career men (networking plus!) who had their minds made up about where they were going and what they wanted. Yas! This site allows you to look, like and all but it costs to message. Again, cheap me only seeking new conversation and possible networking wasn't with it. However, if ever I do decide to really date I wouldn't hesitate to use this site along with the old fashioned method of hanging out in certain places to meet men.

OkCupid: Fun!
So I totally did not know this was a real thing. If you are a fan of Black & Sexy TV you know what series has fun with this. K really seemed to like this one. She mentioned there were way more people on this app, so many choices and new tryings. She was right. I've experienced every type of dating app person on OkCupid; the man seeking love and marriage (I had a guy tell me he's willing to share everything -love, heart, soul- with me and we'd only said hello and what we do for a living), the man that hopes you're DTF and if not he's gonna try it anyways, the I'm too-cool for this app but obviously not because I'm always online, the man that's just recently got out of a relationship and is just seeking new fun (meaning everything opposite of the ex), the lets-meet-up-and-have-coffee-oh-you're-not-into-coffee-or-don't-want-to-meet-me-well-fuck-you guy, the I know you don't know me but give me your number let me take you out guy, and the cool down-to-earth I can actually hold a conversation man. 
I've briefly spoken to a "comedian" who pretty much disliked me after awhile because I didn't get his jokes (it's freaking messaging). I've been invited on dinner dates, some of which I've turned down (I may write more on these and my vibes of a Catfish) and a few I'm skeptical about accepting but feel I must find a spying-I-can-stay-hidden-but-close-enough friend to bring along. I've even had a guy message me "could you use some extra help w/ your bills" . . . I take it he's in the low budget porn industry seeking young females to recruit (my opinion because of course he didn't answer any of my questions). Smh a mess, but funny. The good conversations (and yes networking) has overpowered the creepily bad ones. I have found myself checking this app every 2-3 days (that's often to me) so I guess I'll continue to use it for now.

Conclusion:
All apps are shoot and miss. On each site you'll meet those who can hold conversations, those who are eager for love, those who seem to not have a care in the world and only seek hook-ups. It is what you make of it and what you want to take from it. I'm sure some of the guys I've typed words to may feel like I'm a catfish, because I won't give in to anything (phone number, date, meet up in a public place early in the day). One step at a time as I wade out of my comfort zone.

Look for a part 2 in a few weeks. Of course K knows the ins-and-outs of these apps so she's given me a few more to try out!

Just like all other aspects of our bodies, our treasure chests need grooming and some TLC. Aside from proper cleansing methods (from the way we wipe to the way we wash), there are ways to keep the hidden do pretty. To tame the hidden mane there are two major methods known to me; shaving (although I'm not really with that) and waxing.

Let's talk method one: Shaving.

Shaving is easy, budget friendly, and takes little to no time. You are able to "touch up" when need be and take off as much or as little as you'd like. Shaving lasts a few days or so depending on hair growth.

A few things to be mindful of:

1. Using disposal razors only once when grooming below.

2. Shave in the direction of hair growth.

3. Be gentle!


Method Two: Waxing.

Waxing may sound painful, and depending on your pain level can be, but it is so worth it! Beauty is pain. Although it can be pricey, if you are like me and not willing to learn to wax yourself, the results are pretty awesome. Waxing can last a few weeks depending on personal hair growth.

1. If going to an esthetician seek a salon that is reputable, sanitary and has history! (You want someone clean and who has some experience in this field)

2. Don't be afraid to do research! (I have personally read reviews, called salons, gone in to take a look around - especially watching eyebrow waxings if out in the open to and looking at restrooms)

3. If you do go through with a waxing don't be afraid to speak up about what it is you want or how it may feel. In this process make sure your technician isn't double-dipping (that's a BIG no no, GERMS!)

Both processes can be achieved safely and both are acceptable grooming tactics. It's all about preference.

With age comes responsibilities and with responsibilities come sacrifices. And as I grow older [and wiser I might add] I realize all of the sacrifices that I make whether knowingly or unknowingly. There are bills to be paid, students loans to be paid off, the essentials and necessities of everyday living and then some. Oh, and do not have a child or children, because the sacrifices increase 10-fold. The major thing I've noticed among my peers would be the sacrifice of face to face social lives. Many of us count meetings or the typical grab a bit to eat during lunch or after work as a social outing. We simply do not have the time between work, the gym, and running errands to do some of the things we used to do without some in depth planning. And the way most of our budgets and accounts are set up, forget the clubs, being in bed is really where it's at.

With the recent events in my life I find myself really focusing on paying off my student loans, saving for a car, and building my brand. My wallet is tighter than ever, my friend circle has now been formed into a triangle, and my living habits can probably be graded under what I experienced in college. That may seem shitty as hell, but it's the truth. I've somewhat become a hermit, but the increase in other things in my life is amazing I must admit. To be honest, ever now and then I may splurge a bit and eat out, hit a lounge or bar with associates, or even book a flight for a trip across the map. You have to treat yourself on occasion, but that comes after the sacrifices and progress has been made.

Have you noticed an increase or even decrease in the amount of sacrifices you have made whether you had to for an immediate reason or you've chosen to do so for a future goal? Feel free to share sacrifices and or tips you have gone through that has lead to success or lessons in adulthood.

My best friends were met late in my life. I met my best friend and brother freshman year in high school. I’m sure we met on the school bus, but who knows how that first conversation started. We’ve had our good and bad moments. I’ve tried to kick him out after play fighting and breaking my bracelet. He’s celebrated Christmas with my family and has never forgotten it (he doesn’t celebrate holidays). He’s let me vent to him about all kinds of stuff even boys and sex and is the only person I let come at me about why I am not in a relationship and question when it’ll happen. He can be annoying, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world! Female “friends” were there, went, came and gone, but he’s remained a constant. He deals with my attitudes and isn’t afraid to (try) to set me straight. An unbreakable bond for sure.

LB is definitely one of my bestest friends and sister. Of course I looked at her freshman year of college like gosh you’re super annoying! But, like fungus, people have a way of growing on you. She’s supported me through some of my toughest times and has celebrated some of my greatest growing moments. She doesn’t sugar coat anything with me no matter how I may feel about it. That’s a real friend. She challenges me and pushes me to do more. Of course we’ve had our girl fights, females have tried to test our friendship and then some.

Although I've known some people longer and have even been through some of the craziest things (fights, rides in cop cars, family issues) these two are my "chosen family." They take the bad as well as the good, support me and push me when needed. It isn't about all they do for me, because I supply them with the same love and more. It's give and take like any other relationship. That's what real friends do for friends. Even though I still say I didn't really choose them.   :)

Late last week I attended the tapping of the talk show The Real with LB and a dear friend (LB's sister). This was the first tapping I've ever experienced that did not revolve around music (ie, singing or dance-based show). I was excited! More so to see Loni Love in action up-close and even more so about seeing the production side of things (journalism nerd to the fullest!).

After hours of waiting in a parking garage and another hour walking a distance and waiting in line, we finally made it to the stage studio for the taping. Yes! Let's go! After primary instructions from the audience control guy Jay, who obviously enjoys his job to fullest and gives out such happy vibes, the ladies eventually come one set. All of them just as gorgeous as we all have seen on television.

Throughout the tapping I noticed, damn, no crowd interaction what-so-ever. I mean sheesh, I get that this is the third show you all have tapped today, but what about your fans? People drove and some even flew from out of town. No hi's, no hey girl get your life during breaks between sets, no blowing of kisses, just . . . no interaction with the audience. It was them and it was us. No longer separated by a television screen, but distance definitely there. We all, well let me speak for myself, I enjoyed the interaction with audience guy Jay although I know it is his job to hype us up.

The most interaction between those on the show and the audience was definitely when special guest Lala Anthony waved at audience members and waved goodbye and smiled at us all as she departed, with individuals at her side probably prepping her for what was next on her schedule. The only time I can recount the actual hosts even acknowledging the audience was saying goodbye, which I am sure is a generic gesture. I totally understand there isn't enough time to speak to all fans, check hair and makeup in-between takes, and get your mind right on the teleprompter and the next topic of conversation, but a little something would have been nice.

It was an experience that I can now tack off the list. I mean hey, I got to see Lala Anthony, a free gift (on a REAL budget) and to see the inter-workings of television production outside of a classroom (which was the dopest part).

I get that technology is an ever changing field. I get that phones can do some pretty dope shit like organize your chaotic life, allow you to do everything hands free, remind you of daily appointments etc., but have people forgotten that they still operate as a calling device?

Call me old fashioned but I love getting calls. I enjoy being up until the wee hours just talking about real world randomness and laughing at stuff that probably isn't that funny. It seems people simply use the call button when rushed or impatient. Why is that? Has technology advanced us so far that we cannot manage a slow spell?

I absolutely love when I talk to older men and women and they address me as little sistah or queen. I love the comradeship. I love the connection it builds. I love the RESPECT! Now in no way am I saying if we as humans do not address one another with pet names we are showing respect. It’s just different. Words can’t really explain it. It’s just an overall feel-good, well feeling!

I personally do not associate the terms brotha and sistah with any specific ethnicity, just a culture. I bring this up, because not too long ago an older Hispanic male addressed me as sister during a conversation. I can recall during our in-depth conversation, about Fresno and the ways of society, a few stares from other people (Black, Asian, and Mexican). At first we took it as they heard our conversation and had an opinion. However, when he addressed them and invited them into our conversation they turned their backs or shook their heads.

Real talk what do you all make of this? How do you feel about these terms? Havre you ever found yourself in a similar situation? How did address it, if at all?

     My definition of a hoe . . . is not actually a solid definition. I mean there are certain characteristics that I find to be eh hoe-ish, but that is kind of as far as it goes. I've never been one to just call someone a hoe. Could be because I have no knowledge of what it is nor have I come up with a personal way of giving it definition. I've heard girls call other girls this in many different aspects; a girl who has sex with multiple people, a female (like how some loosely use the term bitch), and even in a "friendly" manner (ie. "Hey hoe!" Which I do not understand at all). I've heard guys use it as well with the same references minus the latter. It isn't cute at all, but what does it mean?

     I remember in college (as if it were so long ago) a "sister" of mine telling a group of us a few things in terms of sex and her relationship during a discussion. And I thought well damn, that's a hoe move. Regardless of how much I love and respected her in many other ways and aspects, it was a hoe move to me. I told her that was just my opinion, I'm not judging her, nor am I trying to down play her in anyway. What matters is what you think and how you feel about yourself.