About two weeks ago I finally gave into my curiosities after speaking with a friend K about dating apps. A few friends had mentioned their hook-ups, their new-found boos, and recent hangout buddies were all products of a dating app. I'd been on the fence about signing up to use any of the applications for many reasons. The main reasons I stayed clear of them are I was not looking for a relationship nor was I looking for relations. While I enjoy meeting people while I'm out-and-about, lets be honest, I'm a bit socially awkward. I've been bored with my social life and decided I needed to meet new people, but with my schedule it's a bit difficult to do so while in route to work, volunteering or the gas station.

K had mentioned the guys she's met, all of the interesting conversations and people she's encountered. Who knew?! I just knew she was an outwardly social person who attracted people without the aid of dating apps (and she does). After talking to her and really realizing how dry my line has been I said fuck it, why not? Only thing is, a part of me knew why not. I'm uneasy when guys are too aggressive and I get bored if the conversation lags or after awhile a guy doesn't show some kind of interest (not sexually). Anywhos so far here are my thoughts on the sites I've tried out.

Tinder: DTF?
From all of the stories I've heard, I immediately knew Tinder wasn't for me, EVER. I was told no one looks for love or anything aside from a new fuck on Tinder. Um, I'm not interested in participating in speed-date-like one night stands. I'll pass. I think I used this one for about two or three days. The conversations were pretty wack, aside from one guy who I happened to have gone to high school with. Most of the convos started off basic as hell with the generic hi how are you, why are you using this site. I just decided not to put myself through the annoyance.

Black Dating For Free: WHOMP!
This one I can't even really report on. I used it for maybe two hours and checked back after several hours and the likes where there, but it was totally off from what I sought after in the profile questionnaire. Many of the men were over 35, profile pictures were throwing me off, and to top it off you've gotta pay! What exactly am I paying for? I can find better on Facebook for free!

Meld: May be promising if I were actually seeking a relationship and/or love.
This one was like a breath of fresh air. Handsome career men (networking plus!) who had their minds made up about where they were going and what they wanted. Yas! This site allows you to look, like and all but it costs to message. Again, cheap me only seeking new conversation and possible networking wasn't with it. However, if ever I do decide to really date I wouldn't hesitate to use this site along with the old fashioned method of hanging out in certain places to meet men.

OkCupid: Fun!
So I totally did not know this was a real thing. If you are a fan of Black & Sexy TV you know what series has fun with this. K really seemed to like this one. She mentioned there were way more people on this app, so many choices and new tryings. She was right. I've experienced every type of dating app person on OkCupid; the man seeking love and marriage (I had a guy tell me he's willing to share everything -love, heart, soul- with me and we'd only said hello and what we do for a living), the man that hopes you're DTF and if not he's gonna try it anyways, the I'm too-cool for this app but obviously not because I'm always online, the man that's just recently got out of a relationship and is just seeking new fun (meaning everything opposite of the ex), the lets-meet-up-and-have-coffee-oh-you're-not-into-coffee-or-don't-want-to-meet-me-well-fuck-you guy, the I know you don't know me but give me your number let me take you out guy, and the cool down-to-earth I can actually hold a conversation man. 
I've briefly spoken to a "comedian" who pretty much disliked me after awhile because I didn't get his jokes (it's freaking messaging). I've been invited on dinner dates, some of which I've turned down (I may write more on these and my vibes of a Catfish) and a few I'm skeptical about accepting but feel I must find a spying-I-can-stay-hidden-but-close-enough friend to bring along. I've even had a guy message me "could you use some extra help w/ your bills" . . . I take it he's in the low budget porn industry seeking young females to recruit (my opinion because of course he didn't answer any of my questions). Smh a mess, but funny. The good conversations (and yes networking) has overpowered the creepily bad ones. I have found myself checking this app every 2-3 days (that's often to me) so I guess I'll continue to use it for now.

Conclusion:
All apps are shoot and miss. On each site you'll meet those who can hold conversations, those who are eager for love, those who seem to not have a care in the world and only seek hook-ups. It is what you make of it and what you want to take from it. I'm sure some of the guys I've typed words to may feel like I'm a catfish, because I won't give in to anything (phone number, date, meet up in a public place early in the day). One step at a time as I wade out of my comfort zone.

Look for a part 2 in a few weeks. Of course K knows the ins-and-outs of these apps so she's given me a few more to try out!

Generation Y is a busy bunch filled with recent graduates, current students, employers and more. There are a million and one things we each have to do on a daily basis. With all of the latest technologies at our finger-tips we all seek instant gratification. We order food via apps, we text to set up appointments, we share with many friends our daily doings via social media. Most of the time we just do not have the time. Booty calls make life a bit less stress and sex somewhat regular.

There are many pros and cons to a booty call partnership:

     My definition of a hoe . . . is not actually a solid definition. I mean there are certain characteristics that I find to be eh hoe-ish, but that is kind of as far as it goes. I've never been one to just call someone a hoe. Could be because I have no knowledge of what it is nor have I come up with a personal way of giving it definition. I've heard girls call other girls this in many different aspects; a girl who has sex with multiple people, a female (like how some loosely use the term bitch), and even in a "friendly" manner (ie. "Hey hoe!" Which I do not understand at all). I've heard guys use it as well with the same references minus the latter. It isn't cute at all, but what does it mean?

     I remember in college (as if it were so long ago) a "sister" of mine telling a group of us a few things in terms of sex and her relationship during a discussion. And I thought well damn, that's a hoe move. Regardless of how much I love and respected her in many other ways and aspects, it was a hoe move to me. I told her that was just my opinion, I'm not judging her, nor am I trying to down play her in anyway. What matters is what you think and how you feel about yourself.

Looking back over my young 23 years of life, I’ve heard it all from “you’d make the perfect wife” to “if I’m not with anybody and you’re not with anybody when we’re like 33 we should get together.” I’ve been the homie (damn bro) that guys told everything to; the chicks they’ve dealt with past, present and next, family issues, dreams and aspirations, y’all get me. Yet even with all that I gave –advice, support, space, etc- I’m never thought to be in the running. So I’m basically like that nice guy that has everything going for him, except moving out of the friend zone, but why? I’m not needy or overbearing. I’m not crazy emotional. Maybe I’m too disconnected? Hmm.

Acquaintance: a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend.

Friend: a person who you like & enjoy being with, helps or supports someone or something, a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

 
With all of the new and rapidly growing technology relationships grow, build, strengthen, and terminate rather quickly. This generation tends to find their new BFF, bestie, PIC, ROD, ace, Day 1 … (You get it), through the likes of Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. And with constant status updates that individual [insert label here] tends to change monthly if not weekly. Now I’m in no way saying no one makes or finds true friendships “the old fashioned way” nor am I putting down my generation (although it needs to get many things together). I’m just as open to online friendships as my peers are with digitally forming relationships. I personally feel that I cannot do it, because I need actually face-to-face contact and interaction.

I often say I have no friends; which isn’t true per say, but well, it is. I am one who seeks acquaintances and or associates in the business aspect. Friends on the other hand just appear, like family you’re kinda stuck with them. That is exactly what my friends are to me, family. I don’t choose them and sometimes I have even tried to get rid of them. They just won’t go away, like a festering fungus, but eventually they grow on me and BOOM! a friendship has been formed. This could be the very reason why I have no idea how I met half of my friends (aside from the basic “oh in high school on the bus”). My point is I met my homies face-to-face in real reach out and touchable life, and we somehow clicked, not via social media madness.

Not because s/he had swag, was deemed bad, or had a considerable amount of likes on all of s/he pics on FB or Insta and “look like we’d get along and have fun”. I get that that is how some people link up or start conversations with others in reality “because you seem/look coo,” but sheesh are we really that shallow? Are you seriously bonding with and trusting these individuals that are your so-called “friends”? Are they given the title as such over substantial moments or just dope moments that look picture perfect enough for others to envy? Real talk, I’d like to know what you, my peers, think. What are your definitions of friends and what is on your checklist of what a friend is composed of?